You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
