omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
