how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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