Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
