Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
