i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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