you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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