I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
