If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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