no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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