So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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