So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Me too!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
