Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
