False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
