turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize