someone get that fucking seahorse.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
