Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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