we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
