I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
