Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
