oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
