they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
