I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
