He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
