i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
