she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
