Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
