So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
