I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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