I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
