Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
