TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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