It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
