waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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