New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
