its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
