Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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