I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
