I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I touched a dick in church today
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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