i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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