i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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