We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today