Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
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Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.