I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."