Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes

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  (504): Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes http://tfl.nu/awap
  Replies (11) Good night (807) Bad night (963)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.

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  (402): South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch. http://tfl.nu/xhps
  Replies (27) Good night (2714) Bad night (579)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?

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  (207): do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam? http://tfl.nu/5qkv
  Replies (31) Good night (1005) Bad night (5567)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun

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  (304): hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun http://tfl.nu/jcw4
  Replies (16) Good night (4266) Bad night (705)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.

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  (712): I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled. http://tfl.nu/klod
  Replies (37) Good night (5373) Bad night (808)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

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  (203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved. http://tfl.nu/1hyb
  Replies (31) Good night (6058) Bad night (1067)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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  (715): Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel. http://tfl.nu/yi2m
  Replies (15) Good night (3372) Bad night (1102)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  should my penis look like a turkey

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  (319): should my penis look like a turkey http://tfl.nu/u56w
  Replies (18) Good night (991) Bad night (5430)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail

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  (410): i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail http://tfl.nu/uma4
  Replies (9) Good night (1085) Bad night (2203)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."

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  (651): She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name." http://tfl.nu/v79x
  Replies (16) Good night (4395) Bad night (897)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library

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  (404): Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library http://tfl.nu/areb
  Replies (5) Good night (2277) Bad night (606)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs

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  (860): You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs http://tfl.nu/mobo
  Replies (6) Good night (851) Bad night (2045)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.

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  (515): This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity. http://tfl.nu/l9v1
  Replies (5) Good night (1303) Bad night (714)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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  (270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn
  Replies (9) Good night (2522) Bad night (635)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling

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  (972): I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling http://tfl.nu/xjwf
  Replies (1) Good night (270) Bad night (159)

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