hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
