hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?