I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back