Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.

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  (913): I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you. http://tfl.nu/mcnp
  Replies (68) Good night (2174) Bad night (11530)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"

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  (607): I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy" http://tfl.nu/7l02
  Replies (35) Good night (4484) Bad night (639)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile

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  (201): even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile http://tfl.nu/o0hq
  Replies (26) Good night (4003) Bad night (991)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

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  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6766) Bad night (1167)
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  (315): View more from New York

  at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache

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  (315): at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache http://tfl.nu/jjc2
  Replies (14) Good night (1182) Bad night (4048)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden

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  (513): he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden http://tfl.nu/xsqd
  Replies (14) Good night (5763) Bad night (1121)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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  (603): In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it http://tfl.nu/f0et
  Replies (8) Good night (1201) Bad night (3031)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!

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  (857): I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test! http://tfl.nu/oysi
  Replies (7) Good night (817) Bad night (3214)
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  (310): View more from California

  Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide

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  (310): Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide http://tfl.nu/450d
  Replies (7) Good night (2441) Bad night (616)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really

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  (315): Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really http://tfl.nu/gifi
  Replies (4) Good night (1690) Bad night (594)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.

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  (905): i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth. http://tfl.nu/negs
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (879)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.

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  (802): I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind. http://tfl.nu/o69z
  Replies (1) Good night (1100) Bad night (535)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.

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  (804): I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager. http://tfl.nu/fc01
  Replies (2) Good night (1011) Bad night (396)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.

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  (775): Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me. http://tfl.nu/b0yd
  Replies (4) Good night (323) Bad night (599)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"

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  (403): I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!" http://tfl.nu/cbkk
  Replies (0) Good night (487) Bad night (552)

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