is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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