I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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