Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
