i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone came in the potted fern
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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