dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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