this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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