Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
