twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hippo gnu deer
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
