I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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