you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
