chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
