I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
