was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
