i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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