just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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