What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
