I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
