Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
