So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
