Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
