don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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