he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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