I didn't shave. On purpose
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
