is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i dont even know how to be here
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
