im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
