In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
