and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
