was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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