He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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