Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
