I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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