I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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