New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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