4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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