So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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