i just had sex bonerless
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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