im about as happy as oj after his trial
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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