Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize